I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
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You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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