So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
