yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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