I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
