Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
