So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
