You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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