It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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