I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
