Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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