she looked like the before picture.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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