If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
