I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
