just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
