so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I could fuck to npr.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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