You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I need moral support for this bender
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
