i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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