Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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