she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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