i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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