i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
