honey bunches of taint.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
