Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
