dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
