he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found the puke drawer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
