I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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