There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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