But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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