she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
