My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
