I want to make a zoo with you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
