i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
