I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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