I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
