Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
