Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
