I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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