i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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