**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
