yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
