i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
