Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
