Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
