STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
