FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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