I cut my penus on the lid.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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