WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
