i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
