We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
