Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
