I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
