don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
