That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
