i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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