So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
