On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
