Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
