She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
