I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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