If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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