you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize