kristin has been a bad kristin
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
