At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
