he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
