Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
