the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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