woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
