Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
