I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize