I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dignity is for republicans.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
