i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
