was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
