I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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