Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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