I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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