I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
